The Onion | Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory:

“KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held ‘theory of gravity’ is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

‘Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, ‘God’ if you will, is pushing them down,’ said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.”

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GriddleOctopus

There are few harder things in life than introducing yourself, especially in print where mellifluous nuance can turn to indulgent wankery. So. I am definitely a 'writer'. You could also call me an 'artist'. I could probably put the words 'designer' and 'consultant' here too, but they feel crass.

3 comments

  • Well good, now we can call someone a jerk for all those times we’ve fallen on our asses.

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  • Wasn’t that also in Star Maker? The movement of stars (explained by Orthodox science as due to gravity), was actually due to the free will of intelligent stars.

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  • Yes, true. Though the stars also lacked free will, having to conform to an ideal of movement which we (and all life) based our physics on. When they changed their minds about that noble rule, the way solar physics behaved changed also.It’s a reminder that (to go all Bishop Berkeley) theories of physics can never be proved true finally, as multiple explanations are assumed to exist for any regular phenomena; every law is just a convenient explanation that currently models the way the universe works accurately.

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