God, without the internet at home I’m getting really twitchy. It’s really doing my noggin in. Perhaps it’s associated with this; “According to Dr Judith Reisman, pornography affects the physical structure of your brain turning you into a porno-zombie. Porn, she says, is an “erototoxin”, producing an addictive “drug cocktail” of testosterone, oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin with a measurable organic effect on the brain.” Perhaps I’m going cold turkey?

Or perhaps it’s just the heat in here; I sit in the hottest spot in the office, with no fans or air-conditioning; perhaps I’ve just got a form of sunstroke? When I go and have a walk and a glass of water everything gets better; but the heat’s so oppressive I just tend to sit here most of the time. Maybe I’m just hungry; someone’s eating a cheesy croissant around here somewhere, and the smell’s driving me crazy. Or perhaps it’s the lack of sleep; I keep waking up in the night, maddened by heat or cold and have been waking up early all summer; it’s the same endless insomnia I had as a kid. Or even it’s this endless sniffling cold I seem to have picked up, which just seems to be exacerbated by everything else; my sense of smell seems to have increased in
sensitivity despite it (hence I can smell *everything* in this office.)

So maybe it’s just heat, hunger, horniness, poor health, exhaustion, and the fear of being blown into bloody chunks at any point. Funny how, once you’ve identified a problem, it doesn’t necessarily go away. And funny how, despite all that whingeing, I’m still enjoying myself and having a great time here…