I’m sure I was going to say something fundamentally important and meaningful, indicative of long term social change. Or it could have been a eulogy to Santa Monica, now up there in my favest cities ever! But I can’t remember. So, to allay my worries about lack of travel insurance, the terrors of intestacy (No idea who Stacey is, but I’ve never been ‘into her’) and fear of the revenant Terry Schiavo, I’ve written a short living will – other clauses are most welcome.
Addendum: Will Aid seems sensible; barter away!
I, Daniel Cohen Griliopoulos, am of sound(ish) mind, am without constraint, and herein state my living will and testament, so help me God(s) (or Satan, whoever offers better hourly rates.) I also affirm there ain’t no Sanity Clause, it’s just your dad (joke trademark Adam, 5754 B.C.E.)
Disposal of corporeal remains
If I’m verifiably dead (i.e. don’t titter when tickled) I’d like to be exposed for the consumption of wild animals. I was always too shy to expose myself to wild animals when alive. I asked a policeman for directions. Hence my entry on the sex offenders register. If I die and return as a zombie, drop me deep in the Atlantic ocean, so I can see who’d really win in a fight between a shark and a zombie. If there are no sharks left in the Atlantic, leave me in the offices of a leading legal or insurance firm, where I’ll be sure to stripped to the bone in seconds.
I leave all my personal possessions to my brother David. I leave all my impersonal possessions to, y’know, whoever. I leave all my demonic possessions to my little sister, so she can finally perfect that “head-rotating-spewing” party trick she’s been practicing all these years. I leave the remainder of my estate to my dad, Dimitri, because he always liked big boots. I’d like to leave my collection of fine whiskies to my pal Paul, so he can join me in the afterlife sooner (gonna be very dull here without you mate). I leave my MP3 collection to the head of the RIAA. I leave the action of prosecuting him for possessing unlicensed MP3s to his legal team. I leave my debts to Robert Kilroy Silk, and I charge Brewster with running up those debts.
I just wanted to use the word codicil, cos it’s cool.