Warhammer is a range of tabletop strategy games; Total War is a series of historical battle simulations. Combining the two should have produced a black hole of nerdiness so unapproachable it would crush all mortals. Strangely, however, this is probably the most accessible each game has been for years. Source: Total War: Warhammer review –
I’ve got ichor in my beard! I’ve got ichor in my nose! I’ve got bits of demon stuck in my chainmail shirt! HOW DO YOU CLEAN CHAINMAIL? Calm down, calm, calm. I’m lucky to be alive; I don’t mean to worry you, but when the demon fizzed and exploded I was standing right next to it. If it hadn’t been for Fishy Heinrich grabbing my fingers as I went over the cliff edge I’d be food for the sparrows. Starlings? Whatever eats flattened dwarf anyway. Around here, it’s probably flying beastmen.
Continuing my naif fanfic from our WFRP group. If you’re wondering why my dwarf student speaks Yiddish, and why Dwarvish sounds so much like Hebrew, it’s down to Tolkien. He created some parallels between Jews and Dwarves; both were “at once natives and aliens in their habitations, speaking the languages of the country, but with an accent due to their own private tongue… their words are Semitic obviously, constructed to be Semitic.” However, he only wrote a very small number of Dwarvish words in any of his works, such as “Baruk Khazad”, so I have to go back to Yiddish to pull out anything appropriate. It definitely changes the Lord of the Rings if you think of the Dwarves as Jewish – and points up Games Workshop’s depressing anglocentrism that they took something hugely multicultural and made it just English – Orcs are Cockneys, Dwarves are from Yorkshire, etc.
To the tune of: Bloodhound Gang – Your Only Friends Are Make Believe GamesMaster Kieron has persuaded Quinns, Matt Sheret and I to join a game of Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay. I’m playing a dwarven student called Grok. I’m already addicted. Stupid Human Year 2252. Dear mother, da, and family. Well, here I am in the Empire! I’m writing