So. Jill split up with me. Here’s how it went.

My friend Chiarina, who I’ve not seen for too many years, had mailed me months ago with a life update, demanding I send one packed with revelations back to her. Being an open sort of person, I was open about nearly all the crap that’s been happening in my life (you need to hold some juice back for the biopic, mhmm?) She recommended, on the basis of what I said about only seeing my girlfriend three times this year and hardly talking, that I leave Jill immediately (and drop out and sleep in a car, but, y’know, I’m working on it.)
Perturbed by this, I wandered over to Facebook and was fiddling around, when I noticed the relationship status options included “it’s complicated”. Feeling that was apropos, I changed it to that from “in a relationship with Jill O’Reilly”. At which point it said “this status update has been sent to Jill O’Reilly for confirmation.” Which scared the shit out of me, but I had other, bigger, things to worry about, so forgot about it.
Until, that is, I was sitting in the BFI on the South Bank and I noticed it has free wireless access. So I dug out my PDA and checked my emails and found, lo and behold, my Facebook message has prompted Jill to end it, albeit in a very sweet way.
So, after a year of bollocksing about, I’m single again. After a month’s hiatus, any offers to set me up with your smelly sister (by which I mean “nun”) will be wholeheartedly considered.