The Turning Point

There’s a choice I need to make in my life. I’ve always had a tendency to shoot my mouth off accidentally – I’ve shouted “Cunt” at co-workers across the office on numerous occasions, . Today I managed to insult two different people by not being senstitive to their particular needs and telling things like they were, eliciting laughter from everyone but also embarrassment and anger from the concerned party. The first one was a simple statement of the person’s qualities, the second concerned Suzy, a lovely lass with an odd family who tend to get into unfortunate scrapes. She blared across the office, ostensibly talking to the person next to her, “balls, my sister’s car got burnt out last night”, then when we all burst out laughing she asked “how come you guys listen in to everything I say.” My response “Could it be because you speak ten decibels louder than anyone else”, got another laugh but made her very upset, so I apologised, and now feel terribly down and guilty.

My choice is this: I can continue caring, apologising and getting depressed every time I offend someone, or I can just become a self-righteous bastard, properly once and for all. My predilection for saying arsehole comments indicates to me that my life would be easier if I did the latter, and I’d end up hanging around people who could take my comments; my problem is that the latter group may end up being rather small and I’d  basically be a sociopathic character. I know people who’ve taken that route and they’re self-confident, brash but mostly funny people because they’re equally disparaging/damaging to everyone; I just don’t know if I could pull it off. Perhaps the decision will be made for me.

Anyway, introspection aside (to some extent) I’m going to three festivals this summer! ATP, Bestival and The Green Man. Anyone else going?