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To the tune of: Money, Money – Cabaret
The Money Farm
Buy a PC Gamer-approved product every day this week and you get reward points. You’ve levelled up, now you’re a PCG Ambassador, so you get a PCG fan kit. Meanwhile, your health insurance is incentivising you to walk as it’s worried about your heart rate, and a tobacco firm is incentivising you not to read The Guardian because of its coverage of cancer risk. You get an achievement from the local council for not giving money to a tramp, and your eyetracking device is giving you bonus points for reading every line of an advert (but not the small print). It’s a nightmare and [more...]
To the tune of: Nina Nastasia – Our Discussion
As an MMO reviewer, I’ve felt both privileged (at occupying a niche few are equipped to explore) and also terrified (at a reviewer’s complete inability to perceive the whole game). As Quintin Smith found last week, and Ed Zitron found previously, reviewers, no matter how professional, can’t just hop back into an MMO when it’s been updated and hope to review it. Especially not, as those two found, when the audience they think they’re talking to isn’t the audience that actually reads and responds to the article. Here’s a putative structure for [more...]
To the tune of: The Element’s Song by Tom Lehrer
It’s 2010 and my jaw is hanging like it’s been wired open. I can’t believe what I’m watching on screen. The wise-talking pensive scientist / special operative who’s been fighting robots and aliens and stuff at my side, is… singing. And, in the deep darkness of the far future, in the lab of my one-of-a-kind spaceship in uber science-fiction action-game Mass Effect 2 what he’s singing is… Gilbert & Sullivan? Particularly a parody of a Modern Major General.
It’s 2007 and I’m munching on a buffet at Bioware’s offices in [more...]
To the tune of Red Right Hand by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
I gone and done wrote something, hic:
I’m Big Daddy Delta, terror of Rapture, splitter of splicers, defender of the weak, diving suit fetishist extraordinaire. I’m stuck on one side of a door, there’s a broken window and a yellow glowing switch a few feet away. I have a clever hacking dart gun, which requires my simply pressing a button when a needle on its meter passes through a certain colour. I shoot, I score… and get a mild electric shock. I repeat. Again and again. [more...]
I thought I might as well have a list somewhere of all the reviews I’ve done; I’ll update this when new stuff appears online.
PC Format Hidden & Dangerous 2 Day of Defeat Evil Genius EverQuest II Empire Earth II Fate Freedom Force Vs The Third Reich Freelancer Galactic Civilisations Guild Wars Ground Control 2 Homeworld 2 Hidden & Dangerous 2 Sabre Squadron Hidden & Dangerous 2 Heroes of the Pacific Immortal Cities: Children of the Nile Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords Knights of Honor May Payne 2 Medieval Lords Neverwinter Nights: Premium Modules Praetorians Planetside [more...]
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