Why I am not a vegetarian (work in progress)

After a discussion with my brother as to why I still eat (free-range) meat, I came up with the following. Criticism and arguments welcome in the comments please!

Principles

  1. The most important thing in any life is to be free from pain
  2. The next most important thing in any life is to have your desires satisfied
  3. There is no life after death, for man, animals, plants, rocks or anything else
  4. All things die.
  5. As we must die, a death which the individual does not forsee and is free from pain is the best death. (From 1 & 2 3.)
  6. A life which is free from pain, involves the satisfaction of necessary desires and ends according to 5 is called humane. (From 1 & 2 & 3 & 5)
  7. The length of the life does not matter, as long as it fulfils all conditions of 6.
  8. If an animal or human is raised and dies in a humane condition, it is the best life. (From 7)
  9. Animals’ desires are simple and satisfiable.
  10. All things considered, animals desires in the wild are satisfied less and they suffer more pain than animals’ lives in humane captivity.
  11. Free range farming and the use of a regulated abattoir is more humane than a life in the wild.
  12. For an animal, a life on a free-range farm ended sharply in a professional abattoir is the best life.

Caption Competition

Log: “You’re all on TV!”
Dov: “Blimey, you can house my sea from here.”
Boss Nonnu: “Open the pod bay doors, Hal”
Meerling: Hillary Clinton’s rejuvenation deemed a success. “Now I’m as pretty as Obama!”
Dov: “The fumes bring on a state of euphoria before overcoming the victims”
Me: *New!* The Bad-Taste Pod can defend against the most awful decor. Orgasmatron attachment extra.

These pods are absolutely awesome, especially for the orgasmic look they imbue this woman with. Boss Nonnu commented that in “in a decade, we’ll all be working inside one” and I have to agree; one day things like this will shielding us against the mental vampires of big government.

Apparently, it actually uses air to measure your body’s volume.