Wired 13.11: My Bionic Quest for Bol?ro

Wired 13.11: My Bionic Quest for Bol?ro: “My hearing is no longer limited by the physical circumstances of my body. While my friends’ ears will inevitably decline with age, mine will only get better.” Michael Chorost is totally deaf and loves Ravel’s Bolero. Having had a cochlear implant, he decided to see how far he could push its capabilities through software manipulation. If you’ve got five minutes, this is a really moving must-read.

Google Gulp

Google Gulp: “Think fruity. Think refreshing.
Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink™ technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex. Plus, it’s low in carbs! And with flavors ranging from Beta Carroty to Glutamate Grape, you’ll never run out of ways to quench your thirst for knowledge.
Beta Carroty Glutamate Grape Sugar-Free Radical Sero-Tonic Water

How to get Gulped?
You can pick up your own supply of this ‘limited release’ product simply by turning in a used Gulp Cap at your local grocery store. How to get a Gulp Cap? Well, if you know someone who’s already been ‘gulped,’ they can give you one. And if you don’t know anyone who can give you one, don’t worry – that just means you aren’t cool. But very, very (very!) soon, you will be.”

A multi-billion dollar corporation satirising itself. (OLD, I know.) Google really is just taking the piss out of the stock market at every step.

The Man Who Couldn’t Blog

The Man Who Couldn’t Blog: “We said, ‘…hat covered entirely in fruit…’ but the truth is that we don’t know. Is there, really, underneath all of us—we fruit on this fruit hat—a hat? Or is the fruit on this fruit hat, in fact, all that constitutes this fruit hat? We are not sure. Are we attached to something? Is there a skeleton? A continuous piece of fabric or a scarf? Are we, the fruit of the fruit hat, holding the world together as both its citizens and its superstructure?

This is a mystery.

What we do know is that below us is Carmen Miranda, and she is our pillar/God. She holds us up. She, stalwart, stoic, steady, carries us all above the nothing. Her feet reach down to eternity, to the everlasting abyss underneath. She is as tall as the entire universe. She goes on forever.”

Superb tosh, as good as the Fafblog at its best.

Land Ho!

Treehugger: IKEA BoKlok Flatpack houses spread Swedish gospel

Our landlord has seen fit to move back into our flat, leaving us homeless. It’s my fifth move in two years and I’m getting ultra-tired of moving into another rented property. So I’m thinking of buying instead. Of course, that’s nearly impossible for someone of my age on my wage, especially with property prices as high as they are and definitely on my own. I’ve been honestly considering moving into a housing association or commune as a way of actually making sure some of the £600+ I pour away each month comes back in my dotage.

Thankfully, Chiarina pointed me to a series of sites that help with selfbuild or cheap pre-fabs. The pre-fabs are fine, except it’s hard to think of anywhere around London where there’s cheap land. That said, there’s plenty of abandoned homes waiting for reclamation, just that it’s not clear how to go about claiming them. I suppose if it was, people would do it all the time. I’ve a feeling local authoritaries grab them all instead and use them to fund their enormous burgeoning debt. Perhaps I should go for the container city developments- it’s so City of Heroes/Bladerunner slum.