The Dead Grandmother/Exam Syndrome and the Potential Downfall Of American Society.: “Students must never let any of their relatives know that they are at university. (Initial field tests show that keeping just the grandmother ignorant is neither feasible nor safe for the rest of the family.) It is not enough merely to lie about exams; if the family doesn’t know when the exams are, they may then worry constantly and this may lead to even higher death rates. The only solution is that the family must never be aware that the student is even enrolled at a university. Students must pretend they are in the armed forces, have joined some religious cult, or have been kidnapped by aliens. All of these alternate explanations for their long absences will keep the family ignorant of the true, dangerous, fact. Although it might be argued that such large-scale deceptions could not be maintained for long periods, the success of many politicians suggests otherwise.”

Mind Control – Bewu?tseinskontrolle:

“I must confess that ‘they’ let in my subconscious fragments of music, simple words,’they’ lead me to sound-hearing illusions, which have sometimes ‘magic-demoniac’ basis thanks to image manipulation on the field of vision.

I think that I have become a guinea pig for illegal experiments of mindcontrol. I assume that I have no implants in my body and that it has no connection with UFO.

I regret to inform you that these are mean tricks of unreformable clergy.”

Phillip K Dick believed that (after he’d been fed too much sodium pentathol for an impacted wisdom tooth) a pink laser beam from God (or rather the Vast Active Living Intelligence System – Valis, hence the title of his abysmal autobiography) was transmitting information into his head, along the lines of geometric diagrams and visions. Which is all about as rational as the stuff you’ll find on this ‘mind-control’ page. A fun read though.

20 Wackiest Courtroom Moments of 2004 on Courttv.com

In ruling that Pennsylvania’s drunk-driving laws can’t be enforced on people on horseback, the state Supreme Court had only one dissenting judge, Michael Eakin, who phrased his dissent in a poem inspired by the “Mister Ed” theme song:

“A horse is a horse, of course, of course,

but the Vehicle Code does not divorce

its application from, perforce,

a steed as my colleagues said.

‘It’s not vague,’ I’ll say until I’m hoarse,

and whether a car, a truck or horse

this law applies with equal force,

and I’d reverse instead.”

The Policeman’s Blog: “Over the Festive period, you may run out of DVDs to watch, the kids may break all their toys and you may get so bored you might decide to ring the police. If you live in the Newtown area, Mrs. C has asked me to tell you NOT to ring the police at the following times:

Christmas Eve 2100hrs to 0000 hrs

Christmas Day 2100hrs to 0000 hrs

27th December 0000hrs to 0300 hrs

Your cooperation in this matter will help ensure that I get home at a sensible time throughout the Christmas period.

Naturally this applies to minor matters, for more serious matters I would ask you all NOT to murder each other or get involved in fatal road accidents until AT LEAST 3rd January 2005.

Thankyou and Merry Christmas

PC Dave Copperfield”