We buried my gran today. I’ve got an image stuck in my head of the ground peeled back sardine-can style, all fake turf and stuff just rolled out of the way, and her coffin sat at the bottom like an under-resolution cigar. There’s a green field about her stock-full of tombstones (a nice selection of canadians blown up by a nearby ammo-dump), and a white marble church set against trees and a blue sky. Very traditional. She’s in there, beneath the ground, and all I want is to say goodbye to her, but it grabs my tonsils with all these strangers about.

It was a really strange day; I think I loved my gran, but I don’t think I knew her in any way. I’ve mentioned before she couldn’t understand a word I said; but it seems that to everyone else she never stopped nattering; I had people coming up to me all afternoon, saying ‘she was a great gossip, she told us all about you’ and so on. Made me feel even more like a sociopath than usual. Especially on top of my totally atonal arhythmic singing which I got needled about. At my gran’s funeral. Good timing, chuck.

Anyway, it turns out from the sermon that she was a general hero, and a good Christian and everybody loved her. Woo.

Cat parasite transforming human brains

Asian Age | Submitted by: Reid Fleming

“Britain’s estimated nine million domestic cats are being blamed by scientists for infecting up to half the population with a parasite that can alter people’s personalities. The figures emerge from studies into toxoplasma gondii, a parasite carried by almost all the UK’s feline population and maybe elsewhere in the world. They show that half of Britain’s human population carry the parasite in their brains, and that infected people may undergo slow but crucial changes in their behaviour. Infected men, suggests one new study, tend to become more aggressive, scruffy, antisocial and are less attractive. Women, on the other hand, appear to exhibit the ‘sex kitten’ effect, becoming less trustworthy, more desirable, fun-loving and possibly more promiscuous.”