Avoid Diet Coke, girls: Boffins have found that it can make you porky rather than perky. If you drink it with crisps, or anything salty, the profs say you could end up with extra bulk on the belly and bum! Eek! Our tip; don’t eat at all, to keep that fashionable S-Club figure.

The gourmet science whizzes hail from Leeds Uni in the grim north. The love-a-licious Dr George O’Bese filled us in on the puzzle. “The problem comes when you combine Diet Coke and salt,” he purred “even sliced bread is a problem.”

If you can’t get through the day without a can, but can’t bear to lose your buff tum, then simply follow Teen mag’s quick-fix guide to staying slim on diet coke:

1. If you have to drink it, keep to less than three cans a day.

2. Avoid eating it with toast or crisps – stick to high carb, low salt things like boiled potatoes, or Kendal mint cake.

3. Actually, if those are the options, don’t eat. Ever.

Coke replaced the old sweeteners in its drink, because it found they caused cancer! Now it looks like they’ve messed up again, leaving us with a hard choice. Would you rather be dead or fat? We know which we’d choose!

Test results from Leeds University are raising fears about the efficacy of certain weight-loss compounds. The artificial sweeteners in question are already in use in major soft drinks such as Diet Coke. Initial results are that subjects ingesting more than a litre of the test solution per week, with even a small amount of sodium chloride at the same time, suffered long-term weight gain in the region of 3.25 to 6.35kilos over the test period (twelve months.)

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