Can’t contain my glee! Gotta tell someone – wanted to tell my family, my friends, everybody – I was walking across that same broad stretch of prefab concrete I always talk about, that city-centre bathed bridge, and I was looking as usual at The Odd Couple. (Better explain I guess – there’s a broken pipe that’s just above water level, and for some reason there’s always two mangy pigeons squatting in it, hiding from the seagulls; don’t know if they’re ever the same ones, but they’re the odd couple.)

Anyway, then I noticed they were watching something in the water, a big stick. Then I look away for a second, and there’s ripples spreading out from the stick, so I look back, and it’s an otter! A genuine otter, that’s just rolled over, and is looking at me not twenty feet away. He’s got a fish clutched in his front paws, and as I watch he bites into it, and then rolls back under the water. I watch and I think I’ve lost him, and the he’s back, still with the fish!

So I stand there for ten minutes watching, and now I’m the happiest man alive, click-heels, air-jump ecstatic. I’ve seen an otter; it feels like I’ve swum with a blue whale, or wrassled a moose.

Argue with me