You are talking to Russian Theatregoer

I promised a mate I’d put this in, despite its mediocrity…

You are talking to Russian Theatregoer

Russian Theatregoer says:

update your blog you bastard!

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

doh. will do when I get a mo’

Russian Theatregoer says:

you’re severely inconveniencing me. I’ve got no-one to live my life through…

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

agh, I remember now – the last one I wrote got lost on monday when it crashed..

Russian Theatregoer says:

talking of life just saw someone getting mown down on St Giles

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

really. shit. dead? (Living your life through another’s death – very Cronenberg)

you are joking aren’t you?

Russian Theatregoer says:

probably not. she was whimpering ‘I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die’ which suggests that she was gonna live. seriously!

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

shit. Did you help?!? Or did you piss on her twitching body…. to sterilise the wounds, y’know…

Russian Theatregoer says:

no

the paramedics had just got there before me. I would have given her mouth to mouth

Russian Theatregoer says:

but she was a minger [not that it’s ever stopped me in the past]

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

but the paras held you back did they, until they’d finished…

Russian Theatregoer says:

yeah, then I fucked her as rigor mortis set in

Russian Theatregoer says:

how are you anyway?

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

‘I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die’

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

No my back’s completely fucked, and I’ve got a fuckload of freelance for tomorrow, and my mum’s coming to stay tonight… bad mix.

Russian Theatregoer says:

my back is always fukced!

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

really? that would be to do with the brown bags oddbins sells, right?

Russian Theatregoer says:

wha?!

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

erm… brown bags tend to contain whiskey.

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

Whiskey means tramping

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

Tramping means lying on sleeping rough

Russian Theatregoer says:

oh#

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

Sleeping rough = park bench

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

Park bench = modern stylish living

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

modern stylish living = hypochondria

Russian Theatregoer says:

hypochondria=terminal illness

Chalk on Glass =_= says:

‘I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die’

Publisher

Wanadoo

Web

www.wanadoo.com

Price

£14.99

Save

Yes

Link-Up

No

Out

Now

Extreme Ghostbusters: Code Ecto-1

Those withered types who follow the media hype will have noticed a touch of fuss around a game called BMX XXX. This bravely attempted to combine the seemingly opposed genres of cycling and sex, without mentioning saddle sores.

Extreme Ghostbusters, whose title seems to promise so much, will disappoint anyone who likes this game-porn crossover genre. No rampant orgies, no sex-crazed ghosts, just an oddly named cartoon converted from small screen to even-smaller-screen.

Frankly, whilst Extreme may not test the GBA’s capabilities in any direction, it still makes for an interesting sub-Alien Storm platformer, despite the dull and primitive against-the clock driving sections.

You play as one of two characters, the fast but feeble Kylie and the slow but tough Eduardo, who both eliminate ghosts with the revolutionary technique of shooting at them. There’s nothing new here, with standard repetitive boss ghosts, minimal power-ups, and an admittedly nice variation of lesser baddies. Not a terrible platformer then, but less original than a pack of ready-salted crisps.

65%

Advance Opinion A big pile of Ectoplasm threatens. Who ya gonna Call? After this, Mario Bros!

Publisher Wanadoo

Web

www.wanadoo.com

Price

14.99

Save

Yes

Link-Up

Yes

Out

now

The GBA is cash-in heaven but even so a kid’s game based on a movie from 20 years ago doesn’t seem a guaranteed money-spinner, so you’d think the developers would put some effort in. Yet Gremlins: Stripe vs Gizmo is a nice game like Paul Daniels is ‘nice.’ That is, it’s let down by being repetitive, far too short, and lacking any ‘magic’.

You can take either the mogwai or the gremlin and you spend your time hunting out presents as Gizmo, or stealing presents as Spike: there’s no real difference here as you’re just playing the same levels with different animations.

Apart from the sight of a cuddly mogwai being forced to eat custard pies (that turn him into a big ball of pus – just like life, eh?) the truly horrifying thing about this game is that there are only five, very short, very easy levels. Link-up play is more of the same, and time-race mode races you against the clock in, yes, the same maps again. With a lifespan of about 2 hours, and fairly boring ones at that, we seriously can’t recommend this game.

Advance Opinion. Don’t play this game after midnight or you’ll turn into a gibbering fool. Or before midnight. Or ever for that matter.

Sci-fi idea – future world where everything filtered to end user – houses filter visitors, phone calls filter/alter conversations based on preferences (that become implicit as you grow up in world) – siftware – great theme to bring up standard epistemological question – end panglossian society protected from outside world – crux of course is it’s not – real world – assume anyway. future shock in it perhaps…

Pure moments of embarassment §16,970

Sat at desk, with dictionary of quotations open in front of me at completely inappropriate section for computer magazine, with web page open on computer “how to make lysergic acid in the home”, and big chunky headphones on spewing out the bonzo dog doodah band’s “we are normal and we want our freedom.” Interrupted in this by respectable, up and coming young editor who quietly asks me if I’d like to do some freelance… My ruddy cheeks could have turned the seas incarnadine…

I feel…

…like someone should nail me to the wall to keep me up… sleep, and this is just a timewaste. Must sleep. Must work – why not both. Never been happier, perhaps. I’m feeeling pure now, committed, should I be? Yoda moment.

Haiku

Rough rain rolls down glass

trapped inside, warm but alone

no out, strange grey wall

Mmm..;.. rabbits. It’s 9:44, I went to bed at 2,

and I’ve been up for 3 something hours. Great

birthday – we missed your presence (and your

presents :P) Crustily gorgeous beer festival,

typically redeeming curry, and drinks in the

puce tower of my home. There’s nice.

yours, laughing in the inferno,

griiiiiiiiiiiiIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiL