This morning I woke up deaf. Rolled over and found it was just one ear, but worrying all the same.Tried multiple methods for loosening of said wax. (bath, finger, toilet paper.) Nothing fixed. Walking to work, I found myself in a ghostly bliss, everything chilled and foglike. Spent much time this afternoon waiting in one of those great new walk-in centres, until a nurse could look in my ear

“you’ve got wax” she said

“I know” I said

irritated by the failure of her diagnosis, she tells me to “spend 20 minutes lying down a day with an ear full of olive oil.

I snort and leave.

and get to the kerb opposite the pharmacy

and stop

and think

and squint

and go in.

And the pharmacist sells me a very expensive bottle of olive oil and a dropper with a fixed smirk on his wide face.

So I have spent the afternoon sat in my office with olive oil dribblin’ out of my left ear. I feel like I’ve been had and my ear keeps bubbling.

O well. at least I can have a nice salad when I get home. And I know just the place to get the dressing from…

Argue with me